2015 in photos

This is my favorite blog tradition — the "Year in Photos" review. The idea with these posts is to choose one favorite photo from every month. For me, this means images that best represent momentous events or perspective-shifting experiences.

The above photo is my overall favorite, from a solo tour I attempted on the Iditarod Trail in March. My intent was to ride from Unalakleet to Nome, about 250 miles, over the course of a week. From the moment I rolled away from the Unalakleet Airport, the North Wind shut down every preconceived notion I had about this trip, and every shred of confidence I had in myself. The trails became so drifted in that I could scarcely locate them, and even if I could, I was scarcely strong enough to hoist the bike through knee-deep drifts that had the consistency of sand dunes as 30-50 mph winds continued to blast me in the face. It took me four long, extremely difficult days to cover 60 miles. When I turned around at Little Mountain Cabin, it was because Beat was returning to Anchorage with Steve after tragedy struck Steve's family. But even before I'd heard the terrible news, I was wavering on continuing any farther. I strongly doubted my ability to survive the sea ice crossing to Koyuk. I write about my fears frequently and overstate the odds of dying on occasion. That isn't the case here. Here I explored the situation from the most objective rationale possible, and I realized I wasn't strong enough, or experienced enough, to accept the risk of a 35-mile crossing with no shelter in that weather. I still feel that way. But I learned an incredible amount from this trip, and I actually feel more confident about taking on the journey to Nome because of it. I believe I'll make better decisions, knowing what I know now.

This photo, taken from a slough off the Shaktoolik River, represents the bewilderment and awe I felt in that vast, desolate place. It also represents the way I feel about 2015 — this year was about being a little bit broken, and a little bit frightened, but continuing to press forward with optimism that something better waited just beyond the horizon.

January: Fat Pursuit in Island Park, Idaho. I can't write about 2015 without zeroing in on my lung angst, which first cropped up during this 200-kilometer fat bike race in Idaho. I spent most of the last 60 miles gasping, hyperventilating, and spitting up phlegm. I blamed altitude for my breathing difficulties, but in retrospect, these symptoms mirrored others that I associated with illness and exertion later in the year. There are still a lot of questions and uncertainties surrounding my health, and I'm reasonably nervous to return to this race on Jan. 8 (next week!!). A tight cut-off for the 200-miler means I have no choice but to at least attempt to ride as hard as possible, at altitude. If I again struggle with breathing and congestion, it will be a strong indicator of how fit I am. Perhaps my lungs are no longer equipped to process the amount of oxygen I need to push myself in endurance sports. I need to be ready to face the possibility. That's what this photo means to me — a soft, blurry kind of melancholy, punctuated with hope.

February: Pacifica, California. Most of what I remember about February is that it was unseasonably hot in the Bay Area, and I put in lots of solid training for two big goals in March — my Alaska bike tour, and racing the White Mountains 100 on foot. This photo is from a big loop my friend Jan and I rode around the northern San Francisco Peninsula. We checked out some new-to-us trails in Pacifica and ended up on a harrowing illegal DH trail (after this photo was taken.) But it is a gorgeous region. This is something I will miss very much when I move to Colorado — the Pacific coast.

March: Iditarod Trail, Knik, Alaska: After the start of the Iditarod Trail Invitational, I rode my bike out to Flathorn Lake and back to cheer on runners. I like the frosty trees in the background of the photo, contrasted by the sunny, almost spring-like conditions in the foreground, as well as the smiling faces of friends who were embarking on the thousand-mile trek. Intense weather and tragedy struck later in the race, and no runners reached Nome this year. The Iditarod is a journey of extremes, and this photo hints at this dynamic — from icy to green in moments.

April: Portola Redwoods State Park, California. Another place high on the list of "things I will miss most about California" is the Slate Creek Trail, and our occasional 16-mile visits to Beat's "friend," the 1,200-year-old redwood known as "Old Tree." This combination of bright sunlight and lush forest is truly unique to California.

May: Ventana Mountains, California. Beat, Liehann, and I embarked on bikepacking trip to ride through the Ventana Mountains, climb Cone Peak, and return. Before that, I rode my bike from home to our starting point, hitting a number of fun trails along the way. That 140-mile day convinced me I was ready for the Tour Divide the following month, because I enjoyed every pedal stroke and felt driven to continue even when I reached the campground. This was back when I still believed that mental willingness trumped physical fitness in this kind of endeavor. I can't say I believe this any longer.

June: Great Divide Basin, Wyoming. I think just about every Tour Divide participant took a photo of this old Chevy hood rusting beside an extremely remote doubletrack in the Great Divide Basin. But I love this particular "bike selfie" for what it represents to me — the incredible places, and great distances I can reach on mental willingness alone. I was not well on this evening — in fact, this was a particularly bad one, where my lungs were so congested and breathing so limited that I had to hike up every hill, and couldn't top 9 mph on the flats. But I kept going that day because I so badly wanted to keep going, and because I was in the middle of nowhere and effectively had to keep going. That night, after crashing on the oil field road and deciding to set up camp right there, I caught rare sighting of an incredible aurora flare — the Northern Lights in Southern Wyoming. It was an incredible reward — a reminder of why I'm driven to keep moving. I wouldn't trade this experience, even if I did believe my failed Tour Divide was my undoing (I don't.)

August: Wind River Mountains, Wyoming. Sadly, I don't think I took a single photo in July. I scoured my Lightroom folders and couldn't find anything. That says a lot about how I was feeling that month — I was extremely weak and feverish for the first week, and continued to struggle with breathing issues for the rest of the month. I didn't get out much. So I have no photos — a lost month. Instead I'll include two from August. This photo is from a five-day backpacking trip with friends in the Wind Rivers. Everything hikers write about this place is true — it's the most stunning mountain range I've visited in the United States. If you squint at the righthand corner of this photo, you can see our tiny camp in the big, big world.

August: Col Ferret, Switzerland. Ah, the Ultra Trail du Mont Blanc. I captured a number of beautiful images during my time in this race, but chose this more muted scene — descending the pass from Italy into Switzerland as the moon rose. The gasping and wheezing had returned, I had raging IT band tightness, and knew I was limping to the inevitable cutoff in the tiny village of La Fouly. Amid a persistent angst about failure and poor health, my overwhelming emotion was awe. I felt lucky to be there. I knew from the beginning that starting UTMB, after a being so sick during June and July, was a mistake. Failure was too likely, but that wasn't quite a compelling enough reason to pass up the opportunity to make yet another attempt to circumnavigate Mont Blanc. It was a beautiful run while it lasted. Most of my friends don't understand the appeal of this crowded, over-hyped race, and they wonder if I'll go back and try to get that Alps-ultra finish I so badly desire, once and for all — the answer is I'd love to, but it seems doubtful I'll qualify for the lottery again, at least anytime soon. Perhaps someday.

September: Augstmatthorn, Switzerland. Recovering from UTMB proved to not be so bad. I was already regaining stamina, and for unknown reasons, I haven't had any major breathing issues since (I haven't used my inhaler since October.) After the races in Chamonix, we spent two weeks with Beat's mother in Switzerland. I was able to get out for a handful of "recovery" adventures in the Swiss Alps that were pretty incredible. This narrow ridge above Interlaken is a place I fully intend to return to someday.

October: Greys Peak, Nevada. On the drive home from the Grand Canyon trip, I made a "quick" rest stop to climb an obscure peak outside Wells, Nevada. It turned out to be a tricky route-finding challenge, and I like this photo for the mystery it conveys. Where am I going? Why am I here? Such questions frequently cross my mind when clinging to ragged ledges, as they do in life.

November: Gobbler's Knob, Utah. Thanksgiving with my family meant several opportunities to climb Wasatch Mountains with my dad. This photo is from the descent from Gobbler's Knob, amid a swirl of blowing snow and a stiff chill on Black Friday.

December: Corrine's front porch, Fairbanks, Alaska. This photo reminds me of the first photo in this post — a frosty landscape with delicate light and stark shadows. But instead of depicting cold desolation, this photo is warm and exuberant. This coming year will bring ventures out of my comfort zone and rapid changes — I admit to feeling nervous about 2016, but also brimming with excitement. Happy New Year!

Photo posts from years past:
2006
2007
2008
2009
2010 part one, part two
2011
2012
2013
2014

Return to the magical land of Tolovana

Like most people do around the holidays, Beat and I have adopted a number of annual traditions. And like most traditions, ours started as a matter of chance and solidified into the enjoyable activities that tug at sentimental heartstrings and reverberate with desire to return again and again. Some people drive around and look at Christmas lights or catch a production of "The Nutcracker." We hike to Tolovana Hot Springs.

Before last March, when the Alaska coastal village of Shaktoolik took over the distinction for me, Tolovana was the worst place I'd ever been. Thanks to a collision of geographic anomalies and resulting micro-climates, Tolovana is generally colder and significantly windier than the city of Fairbanks, which is only about 40 miles south. Weather forecasts are useless. On relatively pleasant days in Fairbanks, it's not uncommon to find temperatures of -25 and winds gusting to 40 or even 50 mph on top of the ridges. I've seen this weather before, encased in every layer I had with me, eyes wide and shoulders trembling as I plodded up the steep face of Tolovana Hot Springs Dome. It brings to mind documentaries I've watched about horrific mountaineering endeavors. Only in Alaska will people hike through this kind of weather not to reach a grandiose summit, but instead climb naked into a horse trough to soak in dirty, tepid creek water. Yet another reason to love Alaska.

2015 brought what I might consider middle-of-the-road Tolovana — a temperature of -12, and winds gusting to 25 mph. Still quite harsh, and my out-of-practice hands went rigid as I fumbled with my sled and extra layers at the trailhead. I was close to tears for the first two miles downhill, but gradually recirculated enough blood to feel capable, if not cozy.

You might wonder at the appeal of all of this, and I can assure you, for me, it isn't the hot springs at the end of the 10-mile trek that always manages to drain an entire day's worth of energy reserves. The hot springs are okay — they're not amazing. There's a small cabin we rent for the night, with a wind generator that powers lights and a propane oven, so we can make hot pizza and cookies and chat away the night with friends who also find pleasure in such a harsh trek. All of these amenities are great, and certainly make this place exceedingly more accessible. But for me, the appeal still lies out there, on the wind-swept ridge of Tolovana Hot Springs Dome, with all of its terrible beauty.

An early sunset from the ridge, where my balance teetered in the gusts and windchill sucked all the blood from my fingers in seconds, but I took photographs anyway. I value the keepsakes.

We had an enjoyable evening with our friends Eric and Jay. It took some coaxing to get me out to the springs, where luxury means a wooden horse trough with two hoses — one gushing with scalding spring water, and the other with 32.1-degree creek water. It's imperative to strip down fast, but only after ensuring you got the mixture right, otherwise you're going to have boiled legs and a frozen torso. The last time I went for a soak in the wind, I sustained frost-nip where ice-crusted hair pressed against my scalp. It was quite painful and has made me reluctant to return to an activity that I associate more with suffering than relaxing. I was going to make up an excuse and stay inside the cabin while the guys went for a soak. However, after hearty servings of hot chocolate, pizza and ice cream, the winds died down and I mustered up the confidence to venture outside. The water temperature was perfect as we watched trees sway in the breeze beneath an impressive meteor shower. I caught a glimpse of the brightest meteor I've ever seen — an orange fireball with a white tail, ripping through the moonlit sky. 

So you can see, can't you, why Tolovana is a magical place? There are always surprises. The next morning, the wind was gone, and even though a respectable cold (-20) still lingered in the valleys, calm air made me feel impervious to the chill. After making a wide arc through the long night, the nearly full moon set over the mountains while we marched up the dome and ran down the other side. I raised my arms and took large, loping steps — flying, or more like moonwalking, through the surreal landscape with its glistening ghost trees and lunar plains.  

It was an easy climb back to the trailhead — not much effort at all compared to the rewards. Frost-incrusted trees slumped over the trail like a crystal tunnel, sparkling in the early afternoon light. Simply magic. 

ITI training, week eleven

Monday: Trail run, 3:37, 18.1 miles, 3,424 feet climbing. I'd planned to put in a long ride during the single full day I had in California between our Boulder and Fairbanks trips, but Monday brought an atmospheric river that dumped well over an inch of rain in just a few hours. I think back to my years in Juneau and how utterly miserable it was to ride through cold rain, and I admit I just can't make myself do it these days. Trail running in the rain is considerably more fun. On this day I set out from home to run to Black Mountain and back. I reached the bald peak during the crux of the storm, when the wind-blown rain picked up both volume and velocity to the point where I felt like I was being water-boarded while climbing into the deluge. Yes, it is still more fun than biking in the rain. I only had this paper-thin rain jacket and I became deeply chilled, swinging my arms wildly as I descended the steep and rocky Black Mountain trail with a horizontal waterfall slapping me from behind. It was all quite exciting. 

Tuesday: Weight lifting at gym. Managed to squeeze three sets in about 25 minutes by doing a bit of a speed session. In rushing through the workouts, I pulled one of my abdominal muscles, which caused discomfort on the flights to Seattle and Fairbanks and several days later. Admittedly I got wrapped up in my outdoor activities after this, and only did one weight-training session this week. 

 Wednesday: Snow bike, 2:35, 16.1 miles, 1,665 feet climbing. It was 0 degrees for our first fat bike ride in Fairbanks, which is mild for these parts but always a bit of a shock coming directly from California. Another shock is the substantial increase in surface resistance that pulls heavily on the quads and keeps coasting to a minimum. It's a place where good trail conditions and lung-searing efforts yield a 6mph average, and muscles cool down and stiffen up after just a few minutes of rest. I admit snow biking has an air of ridiculousness, but I admire the local cyclists who endure these conditions all winter long, because that is some toughness forged in steel.

Thursday: Snow bike, 4:39, 28.3 miles, 2,713 feet climbing. Christmas Eve had a little more drama, as we were out for five hours, it was 18 below in the valley, breezy on the ridge, and we did a lot of descending (first two miles were fast downhill, ugh) and climbing as we tried new layering systems and re-learned what doesn't really work for us. I had it a lot better than Beat, whose feet were cold the entire time despite multiple gear-changes and strategic running. I had a cold lower back and hands, which sounds and is minor, but still manages to set off bouts of panic (my fingers are cold but I'm wearing my mittens, what do I do? What do I do?) I also had some breathing difficulties when my face mask — which is lined in silnylon — was cinched tight. After this ride was over, I'd rate my exhaustion level somewhere near the all-day range, even though it was only 5 hours and less than 30 miles. But it was a good test run.

Friday: Sled-drag, 2:00, 6.3 miles, 189 feet climbing. It was still 18 below in the valley, but it is notably easier to regulate body temperature and feel completely comfortable while hiking. Dragging a sled strains my hamstrings and hips, and I find I can only pull so hard regardless of my energy levels, but I felt pretty good on this "run."

Saturday: Sled-drag, 3:36, 10.2 miles, 1,454 feet climbing. When we arrived at the trailhead for Tolovana Hot Springs, the temperature was 12 below and winds were gusting to 25 mph. The parking lot is high on an exposed ridge. It's often high drama to embark on the trek into the hot springs, and this trip was no exception. By the time I got my sled put together, my hands were stiff, and I had to endure a particularly mean case of the screaming barfies as circulation returned (holding my trekking poles inside of pole pogies and shoving everything under my armpits as I stumbled down the trail.) This was a good test run for my balaclava (which Beat sewed for me last year). It's made out of windproof fleece with silnylon lining the inside of the face mask. The hope is that instead of turning my balaclava into an ice helmet, all the moisture from my breath will collect on the waterproof material and funnel down to the chin, forming a nice snotcicle at the bottom, which can be broken off at intervals. After consulting with my friends in Fairbanks, it seems that everyone finds face moisture to be an unavoidable nuisance, so I am not alone. The main issue I have with this mask is a panic-inducing feeling of suffocation when I am working and breathing hard. While hiking up Tolovana Hot Springs Dome, there were a couple of instances where I ripped the face mask down involuntarily, only to be blasted on my wet cheeks with the fierce windchill, with an unpleasant flash-freezing effect. Still, I think this is the right system. I'm quite happy with my windproof layers — Windstopper tights and hat, and this fantastic fleece jacket (Mountain Hardwear Airshield Polartec) that breathes so well it's dry on the inside after hours of sweating in subzero temperatures, yet blocks the wind completely. I've had this jacket for two years and love it.

Sunday: Sled-drag, 3:40, 10.2 miles, 2,623 feet climbing. Overnight, the wind completely died, and even though it was still quite cold — around 20 below in the low-lying valleys — we enjoyed a serene and drama-free hike back to the road. Compared to the windchill of Saturday, even these low-lying spots felt pleasant, and I was grateful to march along without a suffocating mask wrapped around my face. I'd eaten a lot of food and had a nice soak at the hot springs, and couldn't have felt better in the morning. My hamstrings were tight, but I realize that's something I've been complaining about for a couple of weeks now, and is probably only partially related to the sled-dragging. It only took us four hours to hike out of Tolovana, when it usually takes more than five. It's funny to feel strong and triumphant about hiking 10 miles in four hours. I felt pretty triumphant.

Total: 20:09, 44.4 miles ride, 44.8 miles run, 12,068 feet climbing. I was going to post more pictures from Tolovana, but I'll do that in a separate post. I was happy to squeeze in 20 hours this week, each one of them full of character-building goodness. Gear-testing is going well. We might actually be out of cold days for our remaining time in Fairbanks, but I suppose we can't complain about nice weather for further riding opportunities. Strava just informed me that I've biked 4,899 miles so far this year. If I rode 101 more, I could top 5,000 for 2015. I'm thinking about going for it, but it won't be a small task here in Fairbanks, where no miles come easy. We'll see!